BRIGHTON & HOVE SANDS - Review: Pregnancy After a Loss

This is a valuable book that I consumed avidly following the stillbirth of my daughter, Eve Alexandra, in April 2006.

The book tracks the journey taken by many bereaved couples after the death of their baby - from the search for why the loss occurred, through the decision to try again, the three trimesters of pregnancy, the baby's delivery and after the new baby's arrival. Each of these sections focuses on both the emotional and medical aspects of another pregnancy using first-hand testimony from bereaved parents and as such makes for essential reading about what is, fortunately, a fairly unique experience.

As the book is written by a US author, a lot of the medical information, although still useful, takes a private medicine perspective on antenatal care. This means that there are sections, such as choosing an obstetrician, which may be more or less relevant to a UK audience. That said, there is extensive information about medical testing at various stages of a pregnancy which many couples will no doubt find valuable.

For me, the most helpful sections were the descriptions of the emotional side of a subsequent pregnancy. As I write this review, I am eight months pregnant, following the full-term loss of my beloved Eve in April 2006. It is interesting to note that while I read the book cover to cover immediately after Eve's death, I haven't really referred to it much during this pregnancy. It felt important to read this book after Eve's death to explore the pros and cons of trying again quickly or waiting longer before trying again and to prepare myself for the roller-coaster of emotions that I have experienced during this pregnancy.

It is uncanny, in fact, how accurately the book describes the conflicting emotions one experiences in another pregnancy (hope, sadness, guilt, anger, a sense of unreality). Everything is different from that first innocent and joyous pregnancy and I found it helpful to prepare myself for that. In some ways, for me, not reading too much about pregnancy and the things that can go wrong has been a way of managing my inevitable anxiety and coping with what still feels like a precarious situation (it will be precarious until the baby is born).

Finally there is a section outlining fathers' perspectives on pregnancy after a loss. So much of the literature ignores the male perspective, concentrating instead on the mother, but I found this section useful too to anticipate my husband's feelings which have also been rather insecure and precarious throughout.

I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to any bereaved parents who are thinking about trying for another baby. If nothing else, it helps to "normalise" some of the rather strange and conflicting feelings you typically experience when expecting another child.

Published by Berkley Publishing Group, US, ISBN 0-425-17047-0. This book is available for loan from Brighton & Hove Sands' library. To borrow a book, email mail@brightonandhovesands.co.uk